If we were friends…we’d be on a group chat—me, you, and Denise. (You two have been friends for ages in this little fantasy.) I’d text both of you that it’s cold AF here in NYC, but I’m excited and nervous as I head off to meet my first-ever client. I’m slowly transitioning out of a decades-old career into a new one—as a death doula. 😝
I am the mother of a transgender child, and I am sinking. The floor has turned to water, and I am unsure if I remember how to swim. This is not fun—I am usually way more solid than this.
How old is your child if you don’t mind my asking? My son is 5 and is constantly pretending to be a girl and I just bought him his first “girl clothes” and he loves them so much. I’m not sure if the writing is in the wall or not, time will tell, but it does have me thinking.
I remember my son's joy when we got him "boy jeans"—Christmas-morning-level joy. The compass of joy will always lead to truth, so just trust and follow that. Things can change, and things will change; hold it loosely and let him lead.
My son is now 21. He struggled as a child until, at 13, when he announced his revelation. I worried about how the world would greet him, and this is still what guts me. But I've also been so reassured by the kindness (for the most part) of our neighbors, family, and community, even if they don't fully understand. I’ve been on this train for a while, and now we’re entering a new chapter: top surgery.
If we were friends, I’d text you this: I’m stuck in bed with my cats using me as body pillows. I’m also two weeks into being on the vag cream, one and a half on the patch and pill. Needless to say, I’m shocked at the juiciness. And my shoulders aren’t screaming at me either. I’m texting with one hand.
Saw The Need a few weeks ago in Portland with The Third Sex/Longstocking/Team Dresch. Finally getting to see The Need after loving them for 30 years (wowww) was seriously a dream come true.
Also as a masc/non-binary person I would love to plug my newsletter Gay Takeaway where I interview queer folks on the food they love and why. It's fun! https://gaytakeaway.substack.com/
I vote that you do indeed share those comments from readers. You would curate it well and I generally avoid reading the comments just in case a troll riles me up, or worse, reminds me of my mother (or father really). Also that you put dance videos on here because I enjoy them together with your writing.
I laughed about the ventilator masks. Same thing, we have them. My son wore them more than I did. They are on the table, at least down from a high shelf, within reach. I think this is the event. At least wear an N95 outside, anywhere in LA, as the wind blows everywhere!!! A good reminder for me is the large bowl of water I placed outside for the birds. Everyday I refresh it. Every day the water is covered with a layer of ash and other large particles warning me that there is stuff in the air. The tiny asbestos particles we will never see, everywhere! I put the air in my car under recycle but hard to know where that line is… safer than sorry I suppose.
If we were friends, we would most certainly be talking about the Heubler’s Index of your dreams. Have you ever listened to the This Jungian Life podcast (highly recommended even if for just ASMR vibes). There’s a part at the end where Jungian analysts talk about dreams from people who write in…
But also if we were actual friends, as much as I think people don’t want to get super political in this sphere (because it’s better to just assume we all know where your politics lie) - everything a human shares on the intewebs, particularly our likenesses shared on Meta or TikTok is it’s own kind of Heubler’s index and it creeps me the fuck out. So. Please dance here too… in the event that I leave the metaverse.
And as for those sweet little shorts you want again, find a needy art/fashion student to copy the pattern and make you a custom pair. I’m going to go chase down my neurotic cat and put a pheromonal anti-anxiety collar on her. Maybe after that I’ll make tea and watch reruns of Top Chef and try to only say positive things. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Re questions: do you guys mind if I sometimes take comments from the chat and put them here, tagging you? No, I do not mind at all. Great conversations are happening here! But just to be clear, would unpaid subscribers be able to view these comments from the chat that you post and tag people in?
If I make the post free to everyone then everyone could see whatever I quoted. I could also leave anonymous -- but maybe people would enjoy being tagged. But you couldn't click and enter the chat without being a subscriber
yes to tagging and mentioning. yes to videos or pictures, love to see the dances so much it makes me feel like dancing.
no to having transgender kids but i have a daughter (22) who had a boyfriend and they moved to Berlin together and he then changed his name after I just had done the same as a mayor move in the direction of being more me (i wrote a little something about it on here a while back) but then he also changed his pronouns to female and i feel so proud about all this and i feel a little motherly because i don’t think the actual mother knows. and we exchange clothes or jewelry sometimes and my girls and i and her are bonding over our wardrobes. its liberating to see for me and propelled me into my own quest to feel myself more into what it actually is that i desire and need to fully embrace my own existence for the very first time in my life! before that i was always a daughter, a girlfriend, a wife, mother for someone else and in some kind of service to fit these labels. sadly some people actually take offence in this liberation and it sometimes is a very lonely path. but once you start there’s no way back!! i admire everyone who keeps going!!
We aren't friends but I feel like maybe we could be. Except I'm in NYC. I am also so saddened by David Lynch. I sort of thought he would live forever. But I guess that's how icons tend to live in our minds. I loved Twin Peaks so much (and so many of his movies) and I can't wait to rewatch it with my 15 year old daughter. I'm a little terrified she won't like it and my heart will break a little. I practice TM but haven't been disciplined about lately. I love that your posts are about a lot of different things that are going on in your life. And that you speak on the phone to your friends. I also love that you tried that vibrator. I've always wanted to. I don't think my partner is particularly interested but I could coax him. And yet your description of it made me think, eh, why bother? I have other vibrators. My bigger problem is that I lost my sex drive. Where did it go, I wonder, aaaaaalllllll the time. Hormones composted it. I'm so mad at them. I used to be so horny. I've been struggling with this. My partner, too, obviously. If anyone else is struggling with this and has any advice, I'm here-an open and kinda desperate vessel- though we've tried a lot of things including sex therapy. And dancing for Substack. Do it! I have a Substack but I've only written a couple of posts. I have imposter syndrome as a writer and its a little paralyzing. But I'm trying to figure out how to be an artist with no representation outside of IG and share my work with people. I'm working on a website. I might write for Substack about my desire to wear fun outfits while I paint. While the outfits aren't necessarily that amazing, its all about the shoes and the fact that I can't wear clogs anymore because of a degenerative hip issue. I've been grieving for 4 years- for my clogs. I keep thinking I'll get better and I'll be able to wear them again. I have about 10 pairs. Anyway, this is a lot to write as someone who is just a fan. Apologies, but also, if you read it, thanks. Your posts inspire me to be more me.
Yes please to dancing. It’s the main thing that’s getting me through this global hellscape. I think you doing it here, where it feels a bit more intimate, might give folks a bit more permission to do it too even if it feels weird or like they don’t know how.
And on that note, I’d also love to know more about what you’re doing when you’re dancing - are you mostly with the music? With parts of your body? Things you’re wearing or in the environment? All/ none/ various?
When you shared that little show a few weeks ago with the dance segment I thought how much I’d love us to be able to share our dancing here together somehow.
Oh, and thank you so much for the dance videos in your stories on Inauguration Day. That really helped.
If we were friends…we’d be on a group chat—me, you, and Denise. (You two have been friends for ages in this little fantasy.) I’d text both of you that it’s cold AF here in NYC, but I’m excited and nervous as I head off to meet my first-ever client. I’m slowly transitioning out of a decades-old career into a new one—as a death doula. 😝
I am the mother of a transgender child, and I am sinking. The floor has turned to water, and I am unsure if I remember how to swim. This is not fun—I am usually way more solid than this.
How old is your child if you don’t mind my asking? My son is 5 and is constantly pretending to be a girl and I just bought him his first “girl clothes” and he loves them so much. I’m not sure if the writing is in the wall or not, time will tell, but it does have me thinking.
I remember my son's joy when we got him "boy jeans"—Christmas-morning-level joy. The compass of joy will always lead to truth, so just trust and follow that. Things can change, and things will change; hold it loosely and let him lead.
My son is now 21. He struggled as a child until, at 13, when he announced his revelation. I worried about how the world would greet him, and this is still what guts me. But I've also been so reassured by the kindness (for the most part) of our neighbors, family, and community, even if they don't fully understand. I’ve been on this train for a while, and now we’re entering a new chapter: top surgery.
If we were friends, I’d text you this: I’m stuck in bed with my cats using me as body pillows. I’m also two weeks into being on the vag cream, one and a half on the patch and pill. Needless to say, I’m shocked at the juiciness. And my shoulders aren’t screaming at me either. I’m texting with one hand.
Saw The Need a few weeks ago in Portland with The Third Sex/Longstocking/Team Dresch. Finally getting to see The Need after loving them for 30 years (wowww) was seriously a dream come true.
Also as a masc/non-binary person I would love to plug my newsletter Gay Takeaway where I interview queer folks on the food they love and why. It's fun! https://gaytakeaway.substack.com/
<3
I vote that you do indeed share those comments from readers. You would curate it well and I generally avoid reading the comments just in case a troll riles me up, or worse, reminds me of my mother (or father really). Also that you put dance videos on here because I enjoy them together with your writing.
I laughed about the ventilator masks. Same thing, we have them. My son wore them more than I did. They are on the table, at least down from a high shelf, within reach. I think this is the event. At least wear an N95 outside, anywhere in LA, as the wind blows everywhere!!! A good reminder for me is the large bowl of water I placed outside for the birds. Everyday I refresh it. Every day the water is covered with a layer of ash and other large particles warning me that there is stuff in the air. The tiny asbestos particles we will never see, everywhere! I put the air in my car under recycle but hard to know where that line is… safer than sorry I suppose.
It would be easier if we saw how the tap shorts fit on, but maybe this would work: https://www.calzedonia.com/us/product/soft_touch_stretch_culottes-MODP1200.html?dwvar_MODP1200_Z_COL_COLL=019&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=2023_WK_Calzedonia_%5BUS_Shopping%5D_AllProducts&utm_term=148022761656&utm_content=&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAy8K8BhCZARIsAKJ8sfQ-mPeHjN5tq87LcFVrF9sGfoAqdAMIWkTdiX1xpIyRP-vsUGoK-koaAlL1EALw_wcB
If we were friends, we would most certainly be talking about the Heubler’s Index of your dreams. Have you ever listened to the This Jungian Life podcast (highly recommended even if for just ASMR vibes). There’s a part at the end where Jungian analysts talk about dreams from people who write in…
But also if we were actual friends, as much as I think people don’t want to get super political in this sphere (because it’s better to just assume we all know where your politics lie) - everything a human shares on the intewebs, particularly our likenesses shared on Meta or TikTok is it’s own kind of Heubler’s index and it creeps me the fuck out. So. Please dance here too… in the event that I leave the metaverse.
And as for those sweet little shorts you want again, find a needy art/fashion student to copy the pattern and make you a custom pair. I’m going to go chase down my neurotic cat and put a pheromonal anti-anxiety collar on her. Maybe after that I’ll make tea and watch reruns of Top Chef and try to only say positive things. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Re questions: do you guys mind if I sometimes take comments from the chat and put them here, tagging you? No, I do not mind at all. Great conversations are happening here! But just to be clear, would unpaid subscribers be able to view these comments from the chat that you post and tag people in?
If I make the post free to everyone then everyone could see whatever I quoted. I could also leave anonymous -- but maybe people would enjoy being tagged. But you couldn't click and enter the chat without being a subscriber
Thanks for making it all clear!
Oh the ending of a phone conversation continues to be troublesome for me, I appreciate you talking about it 📞
Dance away here, please! I'm leaving Instagram soon & think everyone else in the world should, too--because, let's face it, META sucks.
Also cool with chat reposts. :)
For me, it’d be like saying I don’t want to rely on a toothbrush so I scrub my teeth by hand
yes to tagging and mentioning. yes to videos or pictures, love to see the dances so much it makes me feel like dancing.
no to having transgender kids but i have a daughter (22) who had a boyfriend and they moved to Berlin together and he then changed his name after I just had done the same as a mayor move in the direction of being more me (i wrote a little something about it on here a while back) but then he also changed his pronouns to female and i feel so proud about all this and i feel a little motherly because i don’t think the actual mother knows. and we exchange clothes or jewelry sometimes and my girls and i and her are bonding over our wardrobes. its liberating to see for me and propelled me into my own quest to feel myself more into what it actually is that i desire and need to fully embrace my own existence for the very first time in my life! before that i was always a daughter, a girlfriend, a wife, mother for someone else and in some kind of service to fit these labels. sadly some people actually take offence in this liberation and it sometimes is a very lonely path. but once you start there’s no way back!! i admire everyone who keeps going!!
I am a mother of a trans child, and would love more support.
We aren't friends but I feel like maybe we could be. Except I'm in NYC. I am also so saddened by David Lynch. I sort of thought he would live forever. But I guess that's how icons tend to live in our minds. I loved Twin Peaks so much (and so many of his movies) and I can't wait to rewatch it with my 15 year old daughter. I'm a little terrified she won't like it and my heart will break a little. I practice TM but haven't been disciplined about lately. I love that your posts are about a lot of different things that are going on in your life. And that you speak on the phone to your friends. I also love that you tried that vibrator. I've always wanted to. I don't think my partner is particularly interested but I could coax him. And yet your description of it made me think, eh, why bother? I have other vibrators. My bigger problem is that I lost my sex drive. Where did it go, I wonder, aaaaaalllllll the time. Hormones composted it. I'm so mad at them. I used to be so horny. I've been struggling with this. My partner, too, obviously. If anyone else is struggling with this and has any advice, I'm here-an open and kinda desperate vessel- though we've tried a lot of things including sex therapy. And dancing for Substack. Do it! I have a Substack but I've only written a couple of posts. I have imposter syndrome as a writer and its a little paralyzing. But I'm trying to figure out how to be an artist with no representation outside of IG and share my work with people. I'm working on a website. I might write for Substack about my desire to wear fun outfits while I paint. While the outfits aren't necessarily that amazing, its all about the shoes and the fact that I can't wear clogs anymore because of a degenerative hip issue. I've been grieving for 4 years- for my clogs. I keep thinking I'll get better and I'll be able to wear them again. I have about 10 pairs. Anyway, this is a lot to write as someone who is just a fan. Apologies, but also, if you read it, thanks. Your posts inspire me to be more me.
Yes please to dancing. It’s the main thing that’s getting me through this global hellscape. I think you doing it here, where it feels a bit more intimate, might give folks a bit more permission to do it too even if it feels weird or like they don’t know how.
And on that note, I’d also love to know more about what you’re doing when you’re dancing - are you mostly with the music? With parts of your body? Things you’re wearing or in the environment? All/ none/ various?
When you shared that little show a few weeks ago with the dance segment I thought how much I’d love us to be able to share our dancing here together somehow.
Oh, and thank you so much for the dance videos in your stories on Inauguration Day. That really helped.