This book made me feel like I wasn’t crazy. Like the longings and yearnings in my heart weren’t vanity or selfishness—they were truths.
My marriage ended about two months ago. I’m slowly letting myself feel happiness again. Peace. I get along better with my kids than I ever have. I sleep better. I know myself better. My career is growing. I’ve been going on fun dates with other creatives. I’m writing my own story now.
That said—like a lot of women, I’m still carrying the weight of family schedules, doctor appointments, school stuff, meals, carpools. Some days it’s a lot. On Tuesday, I sobbed to the new Bon Iver album.
But I’m free. For the first time since I was 19, I’m free. And I’m not sure I’d want to change that.
I’m just so grateful to you but also all of us that I get to unlearn *gestures wildly at the world* in the course of my life. And to know that we are all in the dark together with the savage need to fuck everything up, to be ALONE, to want complicated things, to want to feel everything, and to then be able to laugh about it, chat about it, cry about it. In the light! With each other! Holy fucking shit what a gift.
Taking the cue from you, and just writing "as if all the women in the world knew just what I mean and are urging me on". This book was the single thing that managed to break the seal on the volcano inside of me, and shut up the voice that kept saying I wasn't good enough to begin.
When I feel down about bad reviews or DNFs, I read one-star reviews of All Fours. It’s a reminder that someone can abhor something that I think is perfectly wonderful. Thank you.
I didn’t have an experience like your character's, maybe because I got divorced in my mid thirties and had some years of, well, a bit of craziness and sexual exploration before I met my now husband at 42. And I didn’t have kids. Still LOVED your book. Thank you.
To write (and speak and behave) as if all the women in the world know what we mean is a healthy approach I think! We can urge each other on. Whipping ourselves into a state of utter belief is the way forward and you’re right, it’s hard to do that on our own xxx
definitely one of the most era defining, impacting and far reaching art pieces of our time, if not THE! i'm so proud to share in this with so many others, sisters and brothers, and to witness what art (and one brave human to take on the making) can do. it moves me to see this happening as an example of things going towards a richer and more nuanced, mature future for humankind when most other things revert to pleistocene.
I asked for a divorce five months ago, and this book was recommended to me by about 10 people when they found out. All Fours made me feel SEEN as a middle-aged woman in an unsatisfying marriage, as a mom/writer struggling to carve out time for my work, and as a woman with desires that could seemingly only be explored in the pages of fantasy smut (not that I'm knocking fantasy smut - I mean, I write it). But this book did something more for me. I had already set myself free, but this helped me know that it was okay to do so.
This book is not only continues the shift in the paradigm of the patriarchal construct! It is a reassurance to women that their desires matter and action is acceptable. This is also a call out to men (most of whom will find this book intimidating) to truly show up and be present in the lives of the women that they love, not out of a sense of obligation, but because they truly want to contribute to their family. I enjoyed this book, which was long overdue, with the humor, bravery, and the fear the main character experiences. Now every time I dance, I have the image of the main character in my head and tell myself, we should all face liberation together and equally. Take liberation by any means necessary. Men have unfairly had more or that pie for too long!
I’m a “new” 47 year old writer trying to write with no idea what I’m doing and a ton of weird self critical feeling about basically everything… but the seed of the need is there, so I’m trying to make the soil, water, sun.
It’s scary, but maybe this can be a reminder that we should write as if everyone is in tune with what we’re saying, AND it doesn’t matter at all if that’s true. Because if I think about someone rejecting what I’m trying to create, oof, it just won’t let me create it.
All Fours is the antithesis (and perhaps the antidote) to the patriarchal suffocating and impossible definitions & expectations of what women should be. Thank you for reminding all of us to dig deeper.
Last year at this time, I got back together with my husband of 13 years after learning that he had been unfaithful for the whole year previous and was still with his partner. I had a meltdown and came back a few months later when I understood and accepted that he did not want our marriage to end, rather, he wanted to be with his partner and with me. I chose to stay in the relationship, but I bought my own place so we now live apart. I'm still monogamous and that probably won't change. It's been a devastating year, but we are in a better place than maybe ever before due to our improved communication. It's all fucked, but somehow it's working.
Not sure what my point is above, but I read All Fours as we were getting back together. I was having a LOT of feelings at that time, so reading it was just part of figuring out how to let it all hang out.
This book made me feel like I wasn’t crazy. Like the longings and yearnings in my heart weren’t vanity or selfishness—they were truths.
My marriage ended about two months ago. I’m slowly letting myself feel happiness again. Peace. I get along better with my kids than I ever have. I sleep better. I know myself better. My career is growing. I’ve been going on fun dates with other creatives. I’m writing my own story now.
That said—like a lot of women, I’m still carrying the weight of family schedules, doctor appointments, school stuff, meals, carpools. Some days it’s a lot. On Tuesday, I sobbed to the new Bon Iver album.
But I’m free. For the first time since I was 19, I’m free. And I’m not sure I’d want to change that.
I’m just so grateful to you but also all of us that I get to unlearn *gestures wildly at the world* in the course of my life. And to know that we are all in the dark together with the savage need to fuck everything up, to be ALONE, to want complicated things, to want to feel everything, and to then be able to laugh about it, chat about it, cry about it. In the light! With each other! Holy fucking shit what a gift.
Taking the cue from you, and just writing "as if all the women in the world knew just what I mean and are urging me on". This book was the single thing that managed to break the seal on the volcano inside of me, and shut up the voice that kept saying I wasn't good enough to begin.
When I feel down about bad reviews or DNFs, I read one-star reviews of All Fours. It’s a reminder that someone can abhor something that I think is perfectly wonderful. Thank you.
I loved reading the messages from your readers! Especially the librarian with 125 copies of AF and 777 holds! 😮😮😮
I didn’t have an experience like your character's, maybe because I got divorced in my mid thirties and had some years of, well, a bit of craziness and sexual exploration before I met my now husband at 42. And I didn’t have kids. Still LOVED your book. Thank you.
I thought it was nice that you read the audiobook to us
To write (and speak and behave) as if all the women in the world know what we mean is a healthy approach I think! We can urge each other on. Whipping ourselves into a state of utter belief is the way forward and you’re right, it’s hard to do that on our own xxx
Excellent footnote!
definitely one of the most era defining, impacting and far reaching art pieces of our time, if not THE! i'm so proud to share in this with so many others, sisters and brothers, and to witness what art (and one brave human to take on the making) can do. it moves me to see this happening as an example of things going towards a richer and more nuanced, mature future for humankind when most other things revert to pleistocene.
I read all fours as 23 year old and strongly believe it’s changed how I live, thank you
I asked for a divorce five months ago, and this book was recommended to me by about 10 people when they found out. All Fours made me feel SEEN as a middle-aged woman in an unsatisfying marriage, as a mom/writer struggling to carve out time for my work, and as a woman with desires that could seemingly only be explored in the pages of fantasy smut (not that I'm knocking fantasy smut - I mean, I write it). But this book did something more for me. I had already set myself free, but this helped me know that it was okay to do so.
This book is not only continues the shift in the paradigm of the patriarchal construct! It is a reassurance to women that their desires matter and action is acceptable. This is also a call out to men (most of whom will find this book intimidating) to truly show up and be present in the lives of the women that they love, not out of a sense of obligation, but because they truly want to contribute to their family. I enjoyed this book, which was long overdue, with the humor, bravery, and the fear the main character experiences. Now every time I dance, I have the image of the main character in my head and tell myself, we should all face liberation together and equally. Take liberation by any means necessary. Men have unfairly had more or that pie for too long!
Cheers to mid-life awakenings for all women!
I’m a “new” 47 year old writer trying to write with no idea what I’m doing and a ton of weird self critical feeling about basically everything… but the seed of the need is there, so I’m trying to make the soil, water, sun.
It’s scary, but maybe this can be a reminder that we should write as if everyone is in tune with what we’re saying, AND it doesn’t matter at all if that’s true. Because if I think about someone rejecting what I’m trying to create, oof, it just won’t let me create it.
All Fours is the antithesis (and perhaps the antidote) to the patriarchal suffocating and impossible definitions & expectations of what women should be. Thank you for reminding all of us to dig deeper.
Last year at this time, I got back together with my husband of 13 years after learning that he had been unfaithful for the whole year previous and was still with his partner. I had a meltdown and came back a few months later when I understood and accepted that he did not want our marriage to end, rather, he wanted to be with his partner and with me. I chose to stay in the relationship, but I bought my own place so we now live apart. I'm still monogamous and that probably won't change. It's been a devastating year, but we are in a better place than maybe ever before due to our improved communication. It's all fucked, but somehow it's working.
Not sure what my point is above, but I read All Fours as we were getting back together. I was having a LOT of feelings at that time, so reading it was just part of figuring out how to let it all hang out.